How to be a (succesful) man

[pipina]

Thanks Nikky for inviting me to post my fanfic here
I will try to write more over the weekend

There was a movement on his right. Middle Eye saw a black paw disappearing into the bushes. He squeezed his spear tightly and started running after the creature, the spiky branches rubbed against his sides, but he was far too excited to notice the pain, the adrenalin was now pumping through his body and all the other thoughts left his mind. Only the thought of the kill remained. Oh how he loved hunting jaguars! The prey was running straight into his trap, just few more steps and it will be his! The net tightened around the jaguar and the rope pulled him up good 6 feet in the air. Middle Eye let out a shriek and cautiously walked closer to the captive. He was just about to put his spear through the creatures lungs when the jaguar said “ You useless idiot,you can’t kill me, you don’t have the nerve! Why oh why did I marry you? You are nothing but an old rotten dog! Do you hear me? Middle Eye! Middle Eyyyeeeeeee…….”
He felt a hand land on top of his forehead and a sudden bolt of pain penetrated his skull. “Ouch my head! Be a little bit considerate woman! I was just having an afternoon nap!” “An afternoon nap? You useless moron! Didn’t I tell you to go to the market, buy a chicken,kill it make a dinner and take some to my mother? I swear,one of these days, I will run away with the first slave that crosses my path,anything better than having this idiot with more tattoos than brains for a husband!” Middle Eye quickly got up and took few steps away from his wife so she couldn’t hit him again. She had quite a strenght and he didn’t want to get another black eye, he was tired of trying to explain to his friends how he got it,there’s only so many times you can trip over a decapitated head at the sacrifition temple.” I am sorry my honey bee, I was making a new table for the kitchen, it took me hours to finish it and I got tired,so I thought I’d take a refreshment break.”

[pipina]

“You take your nap on the way to the market,now take the cocoa beans and marsh! And I don’t want to see you come back empty handed. I am sure all the best chickens are sold by now anyway.” Middle Eye grabbed the beans from his wife’s hand and quickly walked out of the house before his wife could give him anymore grief. She was so beautiful and gentle when they first met,he remembered the time they were walking at the edge of the city when they saw a snake slither across the path. He wanted to show off by killing it with his knife, but Red Berry stopped him.”Don’t kill the poor thing please, it doesn’t mean us any harm, you shouldn’t harm an innocent animal” He thought she was so innocent and good hearted at the time,how things have changed since then! But he should’ve known, the first time he met her mother he should’ve known that red Berry will end up like her and he should’ve never got her pregnant and marry her.

He was still busy walking when he heard a familiar voice shouting his name. “ Wait up there buddy,where are you going?” Middle Eye turned around and he saw Snake Ink running towards him. “Hey Snake Ink,why are you in such hurry?” Snake Ink caught up with him,took a few seconds to catch his breath and said “Sorry to be such a pain but can I walk with you?” “Of course, I am just going to the market,but what are you running from?” “the question is who,not what, I had a bit of an argument with Morning Dew about Star Sky,she wants me to leave her” “but I thought she was okay with you and Star Sky!” Snake Ink gave Middle Eye a funny look. “No,that’s a Sparrow Song,she is fine with me being with with her,even though she doesn’t like Morning Dew much” “How can you keep up with so many women? I can’t handle one” Middle Eye asked. “If I was keeping up I wouldn’t be running right now, come on let me walk with you, I need a man’s company for a change,those three will put me in an early grave I swear”
So they kept walking together to the market.

[pipina]

Ten Peccary looked at Monkey Jaw with a horror in his face.”You can’t be serious about buying this monstrosity that’s trying to pass for a table! It’s horrendous! I have compromised once and have let you buy that statue of mating tapirs,but today I am putting my foot down.” But Monkey Jaw has already decided that he will take the table home with him and Ten Peccary can smash his head against their new house for all he cared. Neither of them expected to behave like an old married couple within a few days of moving in together. It seemed such a good idea when Monkey Jaw came up with a “genius” plan about how they could have the perfect bachelor life. The would look after each other, go on massive booze binges and of course share women,that was the best part of all,because if one of them scored with a girl(mostly by getting her drunk enough), the other one could get a go too,so that way they’d never be short of sex. But if Ten Peccary doesn’t stop behaving like a diva, Monkey Jaw thought he’d rather swear off women and become an eunuch to the king or one of the high priests.
“What is your problem TP, you don’t like anything I suggest, I am a very artistic person and therefore have an eye for these things and trust me, this table will be a collector’s item in a few years” “For somebody who collects useless crap maybe, but I am telling you now, if you buy the table I won’t change your bandages next time you get wounded,you can ask your table to do it for you! And the monkey hairpiece I promised to make you for your birthday,well you can forget about that too,so if you think that this piece of s**t is worth it,go ahead and buy it.” Ten Peccary was just about to walk away, but Monkey Jaw stopped him. He loved the table,but he knew that if he took it home, Ten Peccary would give him a silent treatment for days and in the end he’d “accidentally” brake it anyway. “Okay, okay, you win, I am not going to get the stupid thing, but promise you will make me a new hairpiece this one has seen better days.” Ten Peccary smiled to himself coyly, he’s known Monkey Jaw for a long time and knew how to press his buttons. They have played these little mind games on each other since their childhood and usually they were equal , but Ten Peccary seemed to have a tiny bit more wittiness in him. And he needed it too, his parents came to the city as slaves that Monkey Jaws grandparents bought for their estate. However Monkey Jaw’s family never treated them badly and when Ten Peccary was born they gave his parents an official freedom certificate and enough cocoa beans to buy their own house and a small field, which they kindly refused, saying they wanted to stay working on the estate. Ten Peccary’s parents were quite simple but they weren’t stupid and they knew that by choosing to stay, their son will have better chance to get an education and maybe even climb the social ladder a few notches. So Ten Peccary and Monkey Jaw grew up together like brothers and many times, when Monkey Jaw came to show off with a new toy, Ten Peccary tricked him into giving it to him. What TP didn’t know was that Monkey Jaw often gave up his toy on purpose just so his friend doesn’t feel like he is missing out and he didn’t want their social status to come between them. But when they were taken into the apprenticeship as Holcanes, both entered the same class and the everyday friendly bickering became a way of their life.

[Nikki]

awesome job, Lenka...

[pipina]

thank you hun

[HM]

I love it